Title: Avatar Chronicles::To Truly See
Chapter No: 5
Chapter Title: Again and Again
Rating: PG-13

The moment I felt Kinak’s hand encircle my wrist, everything was wiped away for the moment as adrenaline started pumping frantically, making me react before I could finish being shocked beyond belief in the security of my mind.

I let myself go.

You think you know what that means?

Trust me, you don’t. Not like this.

I let my body do what it had been designed to do; to fight for survival. I felt the strength in my hands, in my legs, in my chest as I ducked, flipping him over me with a jerk. His hand remained on my wrist, but I broke his grip with a twist of my arm and a shove. Kinak was stronger than I was, so my shove only halted his attack for a split second before he launched himself at me again. I felt a grin splitting my lips so wide that it hurt, and I met him mid-jump, gaining more leverage and sending him tumbling into the nearest post. We both were snarling, trying to get the upper hand, scrambling to punch and kick, hissing when our feet and hands made contact. He was so much stronger than me, but I was more flexible than he was – only slightly – and so I was able to maneuver slightly more efficiently.

Emphasis on slightly.

Kinak was obviously holding back, and I only figured that out after he suddenly flexed his legs, and I was sent over his head and into the dirt, leaving me to spit out a glob of blood as well as some grass out of my mouth from where my lips collided roughly with the ground. Kinak smirked smugly, in the way that made my blood boil.

I knew that he was better than me. I knew that I shouldn’t even be trying to beat him. But I couldn’t stop myself from trying. I wouldn’t give up, even if it meant that I died.

I finally realized why the Na’vi were often killed in the training to become warriors. Was it this feeling that caused it? The will to persevere…the need to prove yourself in some way? It felt like if I gave up, I’d be giving up everything that I had worked for to get this far. I couldn’t do that, no…I couldn’t.

Kinak spoke in Na’vi, and I caught the words stupid girl among the other snide words that I could only assume were insults. I snarled harshly, and his ear flickered back slightly, before his golden eyes narrowed, and he sank into an aggressive crouch. Lielu yelled to him.

“Kinak!”

Citra silenced her, and Kinak’s gaze flickered at her briefly before turning to stare at me once more. I leapt at him, and yelled at him in English, not caring if he understood or not.

“You’re the one who’s stupid, you bastard!”

Kinak’s ears flattened against his skull, and his eyes narrowed until they were slits. His arm came up to collide with my chest, and I gulped for air as the wind was knocked out of me. I heard a strange noise coming from his throat, and I realized that he was hissing harshly, the sound so inhuman and frightening that I forgot to fight back for a moment.

He shoved me hard, and I fell to the ground. I stared up at him, and he grabbed my wrists again, preparing to throw me again. But I smirked, and pushed off against his chest, sending my foot into his face as hard as I could. He grunted in pain, and I rolled away as he seethed at me, his pupils becoming pinpricks of fury in his golden eyes.

I felt his hand around my arm, and I kicked at him again, only this time I couldn’t push him away. I shuddered a bit when I realized how strong he was, how this entire battle had been a game for him until now. Now I had gotten him to the point where he was angry enough to use his full strength. Way to go, Sara.

Kinak’s arms were like stone as he forced me to my knees, and I felt my arms being twisted behind my back painfully, no matter how I kicked and bit at his fingers. I felt my muscles vibrating in fear, fire flaring painfully in my shoulders if I tried to twist far enough to kick him. I hissed as I felt a cool stone knife against my throat, and a low voice spat, so close to my ear that I could feel the heat from his breath.

“I am stupid? Then why are you the one who is on the ground, defeated by a stupid boy?”

I smirked. “So…she taught you English.”

“Yes…she thought it would be beneficial. I think it is a rather pathetic language, used by those who are too weak to defend themselves. Sky People have powerful weapons, but their hearts are as weak as their spines…so easy to snap…” His breath was hot on my cheek, and I shivered in revulsion at the image that blinked before my eyes.

A heavily armored soldier screaming as a tall Na’vi warrior picked him up and threw him against a tree, and a sickening snap filled the air as his spine snapped like a twig. He went limp, and the man never moved again as his body tumbled to the mossy forest floor. The Na’vi spit harshly in the direction of the body, and silently melted into the nearby brush, disappearing without a single sound.

I felt anger rising in my chest as his fingers tightened mockingly, as if laughing at my weakness, and it seemed to clog my throat, making me unable to speak as he smirked above me, his golden eyes glowing in smug triumph. I didn’t even register Citra’s smirk of satisfaction, Lielu’s nervous glance from me to Kinak, her long fingers gripping her bow in readiness. I hated being this vulnerable, but what I hated even more was not being able to do anything.

“If we’re too weak to defend ourselves…why did you save me then? How was I somehow different from the rest of them? Or was it just convenient for you?” I hissed under my breath, and I felt Kinak’s grip loosen slightly, his golden eyes shocked, and he seemed to see me for the first time.

I used his lapse in concentration to dive toward him, elbow first, slamming hard into his chest. He was sent flying backward, and I jumped on him, knocking the knife out of his hands so quickly that I didn’t realize I had moved before I was straddling him, knees forcing his arms at his sides, the knife at his throat.

Oh, hell yes…I was pretty kick-ass. I know you all want to say it! I mean, I just totally beat one of the Na’vi men in combat – true, I was kinda beaten before, I used the element of surprise, and a whole lot of luck went into it – without having to use any weapons!

I grinned from my position above him, and he growled harshly, arching his back and scrambling to get free. I grunted as I struggled to keep him motionless, my legs trembling with the effort of keeping his strong arms on the ground. I hissed as he managed to lift his arms, throwing me off and into the dirt. Before I could react, he had sprung so he was in the same position I had been only a second before, only in this case, I couldn’t throw him off so easily.

I felt my pulse racing as he stared down at me; his golden eyes dark and dangerous, and I closed my eyes, waiting for the worst. The air was cool against my sweat-soaked skin, and I heard the raspy intakes of air that passed through my lips that were wide in an attempt to take in as much air as possible. My arms were uselessly limp at my sides, and I felt the dagger tip touch the flesh underneath my chin. My blood was pumping so quickly that it created a humming sensation in my skin, the only sound I heard. The training area was completely silent. Not a single breeze disturbed the lush leaves, creating an eerie silence that seemed to become more suffocating with every breath I took.

I dared not open my eyes.

I knew that I’d see that same blood-crazed look that I had seen before in the videos, golden eyes flashing as the blood spurted from the screaming marine soldiers who were dead before the thought of running entered their thoughts.

But for some reason, my eyes opened, and I found myself staring into his eyes. I cringed, expecting the look that had haunted my nightmares for so long, and found that he wasn’t moving.

I looked up at him, and he slowly moved the knife so that it was no longer touching my skin, his eyes never leaving mine. It wasn’t a bloodthirsty stare, instead being merely calculating. None of the anger I had seen before. None of the snide smugness either.

Kinak leaned in to whisper, so softly that I had to strain to hear his words.

“I saved you…because I was under the impression that you were strong. Your eyes…they weren’t weak, though your body was close to death. Those eyes wanted to live. I thought that you were strong. Obviously, I was mistaken. A pity, really.”

I forced the acid that churned in my throat back as I glared at him, and he silently released me, getting to his feet and walking over to retrieve his bow.

I growled as I caught the shocked eyes of Citra and Lielu, and got to my feet, glaring at Kinak’s back as he continued to shoot at his target, not a mark on him, as pristine as if he had taken a stroll in the park. . I dusted myself, gingerly stretching my back where it had collided with the ground, feeling small pebbles fall away as I brushed my back off. There were small bruises forming on my arms, and I scowled as they throbbed.

I wonder, would I ever be able to come up with witty insults like that on the spot? Or was it a Na’vi thing?

I was pulled from my bitter grumbling by Citra’s voice.

“Well Sara, you just found yourself a teacher. Let’s get started. You’ll start by sparring with Kinak again, only this time I’ll help you with different tactics.”

It took all of my self-control not to scream some very obscene words at her, and even more self-control not to throttle the life out of Kinak when he turned to smirk at me with those smug eyes that made me want to kill someone.

And unfortunately, I couldn’t kill Kinak, so I was left trying to keep a hold my sanity as Kinak leapt at me once more.

By the end of the day, I was wound so tightly that I swear to God that if anyone said anything to me that was not the absolute epitome of friendliness, I would snap and start screaming my head off.

Kinak had beaten me…again. Citra had slowed it down only slightly, preferring to bark orders at me while I struggled to follow what she was saying. Kinak was just too strong, and too fast, and too…oh...too much of a smug little bastard whose guts I hated at the present moment. And so he had continued to pummel me into the ground, time and time again.

Citra would bark orders for me to go again.

And again.

And again.

And again.

The sun was setting on the horizon when Citra finally told me that I could stop, and I was so grateful I almost cried. My body was so sore and weary that I felt that if I tried to run my muscles would turn into jelly, and I would fall, creating more pain as my bones collided with the rough ground.

I winced at the thought.

We were traveling as a group back to Hometree, me trailing behind Lielu as she chattered to one of the other girls, both of them glancing back at me with concern. I didn’t have the energy to wonder what they were saying; it was already a bother to concentrate on putting one foot in front of the other.

The sky was blending into a dark swirl of blues and purples, and I dimly noticed the bright lights that lit up the leaves and other plants as the bioluminescence kicked in. I touched the bright mushroom thing to my right, and jumped back when it glowed under my touch, the glow lasting for a few seconds before fading into the everlasting glow.

What was wrong with me? Why was I so tired? It was beyond the usual tired…it was as if every cell in my body was slowing down, as if my mind was rejecting the feel of this new body, like it wasn’t mine.

But it was mine, in a way.

I was so unbelievably tired…was it my imagination, or was the tree in front of me slowly spinning in a brightly lit circle? I needed to lie down before I–

But suddenly, I was falling sideways, and everything was hazy as the sounds of my head hitting the ground, my eyes staring at the retreating figures of Lielu and her friend. They were turning, their golden eyes widening as they took in the sight of me.

Sound was muted to my ears, and I could only feel the vibrations of their feet hitting the hollow wood as they ran over. Citra was standing by the edge of the log, not coming close, her eyes cool and her lips turned up in a knowing smile that made me feel almost angry, in a way.

But that emotion was wiped away as I felt Lielu’s hands touching my face, her mouth moving quickly, but I couldn’t hear what she was asking.

What are you saying? Why can’t I hear anything?

My eyes were closing, and everything began to melt away into nothingness. The lights grew more blurred, and my thoughts were sluggish and slow. Muffled shouts penetrated my serene cloud, but were swept away as my eyes closed completely.

I could’ve sworn that I felt strangely familiar arms scooping me up again, those strong arms, I felt myself melting into them, like I was slowly sinking into a pool of water, sinking to the bottom, only to find there wasn’t one to fall to. Constantly floating, yet those arms were still around me.

Who…?

I never had a chance to finish that thought, because everything went black, as if someone had switched my mind off with a single push of a button. Not in the Avatar-human transfer kind of way, but as if something had snapped in my mind, like a rubber band pulled to the point where it had no other option but to snap in two.